my diary

I'm in my office now, waiting for my dad for meeting.
While waiting i've decided to clean up my desk.
And i found this diary in my drawer,
Oh dear this diary leaves behind lots of stories about my single days..
I dare not open the book,
dont know why.-
Lots of things that he doesnt know.
I'm not sure whether should i give it to him one day.
i dont know what should i do.
Keep it or throw it.
He knows every single thing happen in my life ever since 25 june 08.
but this is the only diary he never read it before.
And this blog of mine,
i'm not sure he is aware.
But if he ever read my blog..
Baby, i want you to know,
you once hurt me badly,
but you healed my wounds day by day.
And i've nvr regretted having you in my life.
95 days ever since we are together.
Thank you for the love and care you showered.
ILOVEYOU!

a key to my heart

Key To My Heart
I had closed the door upon my heart
And wouldn't let anyone in,
I had trusted and loved only to be hurt
But, that would never happen again.
I had locked the door and tossed the key
As hard, and as far as I could,
Love would never enter there again,
My heart was closed for good.
Then you came into my life
And made me change my mind,
Just when I thought that tiny key was impossible to find.
That's when you held out your hand
And proved to me I was wrong,
Inside your palm was the key to my heart...You had it all along.

*remember once you told me about key to my heart...

i miss you

I really miss you

I have other friends whom I talk to

but it's not the same

You have such a deep understanding of who I am

I hardly have to speak any words

and you know just what I am saying

I really miss you

i dont know what distanced us apart

maybe the eyes are playing trick on me.

or my ears are too naive to hear.

i believe you and me sense the difference,

but its memories that were left fresh in my head.

I read your say and i can feel you're in pain.

I want to hear from you.

I know you're in pain,

as we've been through that before.

Love is not blind.

you blind yourself in love.

I pray that you'll be strong and find your way out of this game.

As life goes on...you will,,,you will,, you definitely will find e one..!!

i wish for just a rose

I am just an ordinary women who love roses so much.

I love to receive roses from someone i love.

I dont need lots of roses just one will do.. it will make my day..

However, i do received flowers before from guys, but the feelings is just different, yes i do feel happy and touched but its just something amiss there.

Maybe i will feel more delighted when its from my love.

And i'm a more romantic kinda gf.My favourite colour of roses is RED. Old school richy red. So sexy and its show how important i am too him..

Only wished to received it from my boyfriend, Mr.Rabitah....

love is in the air
ysabel&rab ysabel&rab ysabel&rab ysabel&rab ysabel&rab ysabel&rab ysabel&rab ysabel&rab

raining heavily

Wooh, had a hard time walking from the bus stop just now. it was raining so heavily that i am all drenched to work.. i hate it when it rains, because from the distance bus stop to work or mrt to work, there will be muds and water all over my bottoms.. its unavoidable. yesterday i spent my whole day with baby, went to lots of places.. so tired.. hahax. poor baby got to do evac today. but he will be on leave tomorrow.lucky him...unlike me i got to go batam on 25 and 26 and than 29 and 30.. tiring...
hmm, next week hari raya liao.. cant wait to wear my baju kurung, the black one same as him.
was thinking wad accessories to buy..
hope: i hope that he could control his temper and be more patient to those lil things.. cut down his short temper..
but baby i still love you as much.

belle..

ssendas

dasdasdasdasdasdasdasdasdasdasdasdasdasdasdasdasdasdasdas

it hurts

it hurts, it really hurts, so many times i am feeling it today.. why do you talk to me like that"? why whenever you dont feel good, it seems like you will venge it on me. I hate this feeling. its like a knife poking through my throat avoiding me from yelling at you. I lost control of myself, i think i've lost all my pride when i'm with you.
i thought that i will be very happy today, i think i am not. After so many accumulated feelings, that it really hurts me. I hate this feeling of mine and i know myself that, its unhealthy.
All i can is dream and fantasie me and his perfectness, i think i am running away from reality, i am accepting him but sometimes i feel its too much to even give in. When i feel unappreciated...
I know that i love him very much, thats why i am still here, like what he said, so what love, love itself is not enough. i've really thought through about this... which is quite true..
Sometimes he can be the most wonderful guy and sometimes he is an unreasonable guy.
I forgive him because whenever he tries to be nice again, it melts my heart..
i love him, but.....................................
i want to be close to him now, but i look at him, i dont feel like going to him, because i will nvr know how will he react, i will nvr know. because of his terrible swings that i dont know how long more i can ever tolerate..
baby, i've been keeping my feelings.. because i know that, you wont accept what i have just said.
But it really hurts, serious..
i'm sad, when i look at you talking to me that way..
sad,
bellle

Dissappointed

I'm at work now,feeling dissappointed about my work.I thought i've something to focus on and looking forward to the day.But after hearing from my colleague, my motivations goes down to 0%.
Everything was arranged accordingly and processing the procedure.But when i heard that boss wants to put my permit on hold my enthu goes down completely.
My father didnt even talk to me about it, he didnt tell me why he put my permit on hold.Not even informing me anything, i am too dissappointed to even call him and ask why.
I am giving myself another 2 months, if i still cant find my job scope, i will resign. I cant take it anymore.
I hope he did this for a reason. And i'm waiting for him to talk to me about it.

AKU CINTA PADAMU!!!

RABITAH & YSABEL

For you a thousand times

Its been long ever since the last time i updated my blog.Did quite alot of things last weekends, i had my lasik surgery and now that my vision is back to normal.But i am afraid, i did not do a good job for my after care. i didnt apply my ANTIBIOTIC daily..oh dear, baby gonna scold me again.. Lots of thanks to my dad, he is always the one paying for me, my diet programmes, my lasik, my school my bills, almost everything and now that i am working for him.With only N level cert, he gave me lots of oppurtunity. Thank god that i've got such wonderful PARENTS. My mum also a wonderful woman, although i know that they dont like me having a malay boyfriend, but i guesse they will know how wonderful me and my boyfriend are working things out.I think things are getting better now, my parents didnt mention or scold me about my relationship anymore, however, time will only tell.i think they witnessed that i stay home more often than before i guesse, thats why they didnt comment much.. well i will really focused on my time management to prove to both party that, they are the LOVES of my life. Without any both, my life will never be complete.. And thank god that, baby's parents are so wonderful. now that i feel much comfortable when i go to baby's house and have dinner. I can feel that welcome, although i am a chinese. Really wonderful, i've never thought all this will happen to me.Because i always claimed that how unlucky love life i've got. But now that my patience, endurance paid off everything. BABY, WE REALLY TOOK THE TIME TO REALIZE THAT WE ARE PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER. bAby loves me i know, but soemtimes he just wouldnt show...Boo..ego.however, when he holds my hand wherever he go, i love him being so protective and possesive.. I WILL NEVER FIND ANOTHER HIM. i love to be hold.. but i want him to know that, i thank him for his patience to our lil quarrels. and want him to hold on tight to this relationship and never let go. Even we were to had a bad quarrel one day. A thousand times i will still be loving you..

Hari raya coming, yeah the first time i am celecrating hari raya.
I bought a baju kurung for 50 dollars. lolx this year budget. but its quite nice, black colour. BABY bought the same colour as mine.. sweet rite..
However, i've got the blue baju too.. its left with lots of bad memories. but i dont know whether should i wear. Baby wants me to wear, he ask me no to LIVE IIN THE PAST.
however it is the greatest heart aches i ever felt.. the pain is still there but as day goes by, with baby's tendering love and care, its healing slowly...
It really take time to heal everything. but i've forgive my man for alll the wrongs he did and believe he is sincere now..

BABY:

dear, i love you although all the lil quarrels we had, past months. the love is strong and is never letting go.

you're the love of my life.!
25 june 2008
ysabel.

Missing dearly

I always think of you my dear.
i ask myself why,
why me and not you?
TIME..time is all i have,
is not occupied with things.
You lived a busy life,opposite me.
Too many things to even miss me.
But i miss you when i've got the time.
I loved to be missed but i cant ask for more.
i dont blame you as i do understand.
i am now finding new things to make my life occupied.
After work permit is done.
i believe i will be as busy as you right now.
but i hope is not a threat to our relationship.
Hope you could understand.

You provide me the love that i ever want to let it go.
I want a life time with you.

barevollebsay FOREVER!

thousands of ants all over my body

KRKK....KRKKK...KRKK.... oh dear, my nails.
Bleeding nails, the aching gnawing pins and needles pain on my toe nails.
Ouch,goosebumps all over his body.
Oh dear, i'm in great pain.
Thank god,you're there to bandage it up.
Experience, gentle hands , with him wrapping up my injured nails, i dont feel the pain.
The showering expreience of his love, overwhelmed the painful painful feelings.
The great sense of secure i feel makes me want it for life.
He loves me, he can take care of me.
I vowed my love and life to him my love.
I've pledged my faithfulness, care,tender love to this man.
Sending me home safetly each time when we meet up.
Envy me, that i have him in my life.
Love love love love love
A love story of my life.

© By Natessa M. Wagoner
He sits there, deep in thoughtAs the rain flows down his dorm room window.He's been sitting there for hours,Yet the pain still remains.He thinks of the stress school imposes on him.How he can't seem to ever catch up.There's always something more.Of his relationship with God.Why can't he further it?He wants it more than anything,Yet it always seems just beyond his grasp.He thinks of the pain of a broken heart.He has experienced this many a time.Never again, he says to himself.I will never again risk it.Never again open the doors of my heart.Every time I believe it is safe,It is tread upon yet again.Such low self-esteem and excessive prideLeads me to believe that everyone is simply being niceWhen they tell me why they like me.Never again.As he continues to sit there, indulging in his self-pityHe doesn't realize that nearby there is a girl.She too is sitting there, deep in thought,Thinking of the heart she can never have.

never expect to happen

Fell alseep while waiting last night,
never did i realize that i didnt turn on my mobile.
I woke up missing your voice,
wonder why i never hear from you.
Never did i realize that you cant connect to me.
You waited for hours by the phone,
wishing to see my name appearing on your phone.
Oh dear, its me that my mobile is offed.
I missed you.ring you up, to explain,
but you're too tired to even want to hear.
I called and msged you, it was all ignored.
Oh god, if you could just turn back the time.
He wont be worried for me.
And i want to tell him, dear i miss you and i'm sorry.

There's no one i will run to except you.

Love you hubby.

always

The day you were born, the whole world was blessedThese thoughts in my mind to you I must confessThe time has come for me to express my true feelingsYou are the center of my thoughts and the essence of my beingWhat you have brought me I never thought I could procureThe gift of comfort, with you I am secureFor you have lifted me up from a life filled with sorrowAnd made me realize there is always a better tomorrowIt amazes me how someone can make me feel this wayI love you more and more with each passing dayYou brighten my days and lift my spiritsI have felt this for so long and now want you to hear itSo you may know the place you hold in my heartYou are always with me even when we're apartI truly believe what we have is meant to beJust open your heart and soon you shall seeWhat I am willing to do to keep a smile on your faceJust know that I'm here and will be always

SMILE BACAUSE IT HAPPENED

Just because some one doesn’t love
you the way you want them to,
doesn’t mean they don’t love
you with all they have.

They say love hides behind every corner,
then I must be walking in circle.

A true friend is someone who reaches for your
hand and touches your heart.

Never frown, even when you are sad,
because you never know who is falling
in love with your smile.

To the world you may be one person,
but to one person you may be the world.

Don’t cry because it is over,
smile because it happened.