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it hurts

it hurts, it really hurts, so many times i am feeling it today.. why do you talk to me like that"? why whenever you dont feel good, it seems like you will venge it on me. I hate this feeling. its like a knife poking through my throat avoiding me from yelling at you. I lost control of myself, i think i've lost all my pride when i'm with you.
i thought that i will be very happy today, i think i am not. After so many accumulated feelings, that it really hurts me. I hate this feeling of mine and i know myself that, its unhealthy.
All i can is dream and fantasie me and his perfectness, i think i am running away from reality, i am accepting him but sometimes i feel its too much to even give in. When i feel unappreciated...
I know that i love him very much, thats why i am still here, like what he said, so what love, love itself is not enough. i've really thought through about this... which is quite true..
Sometimes he can be the most wonderful guy and sometimes he is an unreasonable guy.
I forgive him because whenever he tries to be nice again, it melts my heart..
i love him, but.....................................
i want to be close to him now, but i look at him, i dont feel like going to him, because i will nvr know how will he react, i will nvr know. because of his terrible swings that i dont know how long more i can ever tolerate..
baby, i've been keeping my feelings.. because i know that, you wont accept what i have just said.
But it really hurts, serious..
i'm sad, when i look at you talking to me that way..
sad,
bellle