Everything seems so different....

Why do everything i do have to involve you? Even my password. Oh dear, i've made myself so cheap. I've plan my life with him around but everything ended. Even when i blog , every words i type i have to think about it. Why is it so? What am i afraid about? Why do i have to do this to torture myself. I keep telling myself not to think about it. Keep reminding myself how bad it is to fall now.I have got so much to do. So much to learn, sO much to think. I cant do it with what/who i am now. I screwed up . Damn , wa lau please la, i feel so stress!!! I CANT GET AN ANSWER MYSELF!!! I am afraid, i will be the old me again.. I dont want, i dont want that kind of life. But is it damn stupid too torture myself at home,whereby maybe he is enjoying himself already. Why want to torture myself? He dont sayang you, he just say for the sake of saying! I cant believe after everything that i have done, he still leave. Anyway, i am trying to figure out, what about him that made me love him so much? What about him>? Love sees me die!!! If he can move on.. why not you ysabel? Why keep holding on when he cant be bothered anymore? Why call him when he cant be bothered anymore? Why think of him when he cant be bothered anymore. He wants to leave, it means that he can live without me, I mean nothing to him. If not, he will be like you. Hesitation.. For what do this. stop being a fool !!! Ysabel.. Give those out there a chance.. Wake up!!!

Early in the morning i have to type all this shit about my life.. Look how miserable it is! You msged him tell him so much, you bake and everything. He will appreciate? He will know? He will cherish.? HAAAA.... in the end still putting a stop to everything.. Like nothing has happen before.. Shit you!

I cant help anymore

I cant help anymore, its normal to feel insecure in every women. I dont see the reason why ou have to do this. The only reason i can convince myself is you are not into it anymore. For almost so many months you kept claiming that i never change. Now that i try so hard you left.You broke us up. Though its really painful, but to think about it, you gave up this relationship so easily, i didnt play behind your back? i didnt hurt you as much. Its just some words. Cany you accept me a little like how i accepted you. ? Yeah, sometimes whatever you say its true. I shouldnt have try so hard to hold things back.. I am going to give myself a chance to relieve from all this pain, and forgetting all the pain that you give , since april 2006 , i step into your life when its so complicated, i played your games for so long. Hold on for the only reason that i believe. But it come to an end whereby i am still crying under my blanket. Hated this kind of life so much. Why do i have to dwell whereby you dont seems to be bothered anymore. ? Everyone knows that nobody is perfect. But you want me to be so perfect. For whatever that happens to me now, i dont know what is love ? Tell me what is love? So what if you are faithful ? People wont judge or stay because you are faithful and nice , they judge you by your negative points so forever he will see you as someone who will nvr change... Look ... it turns out to be hatred... i dont have to hate anyone in my life. I dont see a need. I will just tell my self that there is no RIGHT or WRONG ... Dont tell someone you have changed so much , because he will only judge you by your negative points. I gave up everything .. i gave up everything. I dont know whether am i saying things because i am angry, Buti typed it out following my heart.. You will never undersstand because you judge and left me due to what? Its all my fault. Because i have to accept that you are like that. But i feel really demoralised by you.. I dont want to hate you. please dont make me that way.

All over again...

Starting back all over again... this week so tiring , so much thing.. Got to relieve myself.. Grandmother came to my house for 3 weeks.. Yeah , at least i am not lonely anymore. Love my grandmother.. She took care of me and i feel so blessed... Well, things do happens, but somethings its better to share than to live with it.. hmmm, relax.. give it a time... Nobody said it was easy... I can do it.....


That day, my ULTIMATE BROWNIES tasted great!!!!! Whoooo~~~~~~

Nice...

Picture of the baked brownies

Additional Toppings

- Crushed Almonds

- Crushed Pistachos Nuts

- Crushed Walnuts

- Chocolate Chips

Overall Comments

Well , it may smells nice and looks good but its too soft and abit too sweet.

I think i know where is the problem, i put too much butter and my flour is not well beaten.

My next attempt will be later after work, I will bake will abit more Flour and 100grams less sugar and 50grams less unsalted butter.

People who tasted my brownies

Mum

Billy

Ruth

Ronald

Randall

Sari

My boyfriend-Rab

Thanks guys, i will definitely bake a nicer one today.. Number of trials and persistent makes a perfect bake..

I will workhard on it.. yes..

Super Fudge Brownies- DyannBakes

Here's the perfect recipe for chewy gooey fudge brownies. Perfect with an ice cold glass of milk!! I will make these delicouse bar treats today before meeting my boyfriend!

What I Will Need
1 cup butter (2 sticks) 14 tablespoon
6 ounces unsweetened chocolate
2 cups granulated sugar also known as caster sugar
1 tablespoon of vanilla extract
4 eggs
1/2 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 cup chocolate chips or chopped nuts

Instructions

1. Preheat oven to 170 degress celsius. Butter and flour an 8 by 8 inch baking pan. ( i do not have one) -

2. Melt the butter and chocolate over medium-low heat, stirring untill well blended.

3. Remove butter/chocolate mixture from heat , and stir in sugar and vanilla extract.

4. Add eggs, one at a time , beating well after each addition.

5. Stir in flour; mix in chocolate chips or chopped nuts.

6. Spread batter evenlt in the prepared pan.

7. Sprinkle chocolate chips or chopped nuts evenly across surface.

8. Bake in a 325 degree celsius oven for about 40-45 minutes or untill brownie feels dry on the top.

9. Let the brownies cool in the pan on a rack.

10. When completely cool, cut into squares and store air-tight.

11. Cut into bit-sized pieces and enjoy!

Well , later i will rush home to bake this fudgey brownies for my family and boyfriend. Hope it turns out good. Will capture some picture of the outcome.!! Update tomorrow again...Loves

pictures of the first trial cookies!~~!

TOO SWEET!!!

THESE COOKIES LOOKS GOOD BUT ITS TOO SWEET... UPSET!

pictures of the first trial cookies!~~!

Beginner to bake

Recently have been baking, but never turn out good!!! damn.. gonna try try try again and again!
Today i am going to bake CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES. This entire month spend almost 300 on buying baking stuff.. ah.. when will i be able to bake for dear to eat! i will try hard and harder.. I am going to spend on hersheys chocolate instead~!!! shit.. spend money again...

Ignite!

We're back together and we will chrish for sure.
He will be so busy with his work and me, will be just staying home and find things to do.
I tried baking few days ago , the cookie never work. ah!!!
Got a new recipe just now, going to bake again when i reach home.

I dont know whether am i happy now.
I couldnt adapt to staying home so often,
I will really try..

Most of my time is surrounded by walls.
Morning , noon, evening, night!!
Suffocation no breathing...
Shag..

I need to run under the rain.. to wash away everything!!
Its so heavy...

I DECRIBE MYSELF AS A LONER!

hahax i am afraid of being lonely!

i will definitely remember for life!

The conclusion is over..
Its such a waste,
me myself couldnt believe it.
But the weird thing is,
i can feel the waste but not the pain,
because i know myself what i am doing.
And its misunderstanding.
But his persistence is strong.
Its such a waste.
All effort gone to the bin.


When i feel like giving up, i always ask myself why i held for so long in the first place. Its worth all the wait.. Its worth loving you.. love...

Nothing Compares To you

Unfortunately, i make mistakes easily without knowing that you are so hurt and upset.
I care only for my own feelings, but i've never think that you too will be hurt, it just that you dont show it.I'm sorry(to you)
Fortunately, these mistakes are usually not fatal, its just that its repeated mistakes and it makes you feel so impossible.
Lucky to know that you have this kind forgiving character that i really ADORE.(thank you -to you only)
Desperately, i want to change for a better, but i didnt know that i would make the mistakes again( sorry to you ) reason being, its hard to find someone that is another half of you. You're sweet.(only you)
Grateful to you, talking to me about my mistakes and wanting me to change, Honestly i do want to change and make real plans. I dont mean it at times( dear you)
By knowing this mistakes, action speaks louder than words. I've plans for the OPENING move to spark up the love again.( sincere to change for a better)
Give me another day, to prove that i will reverse the situation and correct those mistakes. ( love )
I dare to shout by the streets full of people that I LOVE YOU, and its really you the one that i want.

NOTHING COMPARES TO YOU!!

FOREVER AND FOR ALWAYS...

its getting late

24 feb 09,

Havent had my lunch yet, not hungry. Getting myself a baking oven this weekend and some bakeware.Gonna kill some time, i've been so free. Gonna bake bake bake and bake away all the feelings and eat them..!!

Pressure, stressful , fear.

Each after another, it makes me spin. Mind spinning with lots of problems. I know i cant be perfect, i know i cant change as much. But i am trying and exhausting. Because each and everytime i do the same mistake, i will be reprimanded. So much i wish you could understand me and give in to me. But you couldnt understand. its imbalance. I dont know what to do. I shut myself and ran away. i dont know how long i could run.. i;m tired..

I feel sorry for the times we had. But i know i cant do it all alone by myself.

If only i could have a peaceful one month. no scolding. . . its love life...

I am tired.. good night...

i want my own things to do

Its my dream to always have my own business. But i feel so helpless, i know nothing at all. No one is there to actually help. I tried to be independant, but its this much ( ) only i can do. No capital, No lobang nothing. Seems like, i will have to work for him the whole time. Hate it, i want it on my own... I hate it..

5 years, I WILL give myself 5 years to save whatever that i need and roll it on my interest.( own small business) 5 years.. i will definitely.. have the capital to have a small one on my own.. save is all i have to do now...

Plan change....

Changed my plan, i did not exchange my phone with taufiq.Instead i sold my i phone for $800/- to James. And bought N85 straight after getting the cash..Now using my N85 , likes the shape of the phone, but i think the speaker not that good. Thats the only thing that i dont like about the phone.. Otherwise. its still as good..

final decision

i will be doing a one to one exchange with this guy name;taufiq.

I-PHONE to N96

BUT

from N96 to Xperia 1

Friday, will buy a phone for my mother birthday present..

What phone to buy?

Hmm

Gift of the month...

Recieved a call from starhub saying that i will be receiving a $150 voucher to buy a new phone..
Yeah but i just got my new i-phone, now im changing again.
I havent decide on what phone to get, thought of getting X1 but its too expensive $698 with line..
Second choice will be N85, Third choice samsung innov8.

1,2 OR 3...

priotise....

Neglection feeling is e most unhealthy signs,

i will definitelly be stronger than you..

Life with friends all around me....

One day..

Laughters, quarrels, loud voices, movies, dinner...

smell....

will all be missed.....

It seems like...

Romeo save me - they're tryin' to tell me how to feel;This love is difficult, but it's real.Don't be afraid; we'll make it out of this mess.It's a love story - baby just say "Yes.'"

Seems like i could never be the one.
Hearing those words,it makes me weak.
I've got the chance to talk to you, ask question.
You dont seems to like it.
I'm wrong with words, wrong with expression , wrong at talking.
Thats me , you couldn't take it. You want to leave everytime you flared up.
I dont know how long more, i could tell you this much.
We both are tired.
This is the hardest of all that happens in my life.
I dont know what you will say next, i fear, fear to meet up anymore for the time being.
Because, everything seems to be wrong and provoking you.
If my intention is to make your life difficult and upset, than you're wrong.
Its very wrong for you to say that.
Because i fear of your voices and words which are very hurtful. I fear to hear them.
Its hurts. I am trying to think what you think and do what you think i should.
Its time and encouragement i need.

Silence....

chinese new year

Soon, chinese new year is over..
Its another short year ahead.
What will my year be like.
Really wish to do some business,
start up small,
and planned to go bangkok this coming march with my cousin .
Wanna ask baby to come along with me..
Monday blues again today,
after 9 days of holidays...
very tiring, not enough rest..
Latter baby gonna pick me up,
Hope that we will stop argueing..
We both love,
but we just simply stubborn.
But still not so bad,
because its really true love that really hold us on..
really appreciate every effort made..
Much loves...

dont do this!

Dont do this to any WOMEN.

Its their nature to talk and complain alot!

LIFE

"EACH DAY IS A NEW LIFE. SEIZE IT . LIVE IT."

words kept inside me ...

I kept some words within me,
not sharing with u,
so that u wont have a heavier burden.
Nobody knows what i'm thinking of last night,not even u, the precious u,
Sorry,i tried to control, control the situation.
But i still shed in the end.
Sorry to make u feel uneasy.
I will talk to you someday,one fine day.
I love you!

Seize it! live it !

Did medi ,pedi and dyed my hair yesterday. Sit untill tired. Chinese new year next tuesday, so fast its another year. wow..Going back to malaysia this friday, yeah miss my great grand mother so much.. !!

Meeting boyfriend later! hmm hope dont quarrel if not very sianx !

Quote of the day-
"throw back the shoulders,let the heart sing, let the eyes flash, let the mind be lifted up, look upward and say to yourself...nothing is impossible!"
-_________ (forget the person's name)

Going to watch Little nyonya now.. lolx...

its been long

Life has been real good and busy meeting boyfriend recently.
Dont feel like blogging recently,
heard lots of news about my friends.
Sometimes i dont understand how to talk to them,
hope one day they will realize whats right and wrong.
Choose your right friends if you couldnt have self control.
Life's too short to waste time doing nothing .
Having that kind of disease isnt easy but you made it so easy, thou i dont know you well, but i feel sad for u that u're wasting ur beautiful life.
Sry..

Angry

Waited for so long, eveytime like that, meeting at 2pm but in the end untill now 3.30pm havent even hear from him..so angry, no time management, working under this kind of people just simply sucks.Both also the same, damn, one never even update anything about the salary, busy with his own things helping others but forget or neglected about the own company..damn, really regret never study hard, if even harder working with the same first name.. sigh.. gonna calm down and stay cool!!!!

GRRRR!!!!!

Moonlight Resonance

Watching Moonlight Resonance right now.

Its a family affairs drama-very nice

Watch it at http://www.mysoju.com/ ! !

Sure you wont regret!!The new series will focus on Lee Sze Kei getting her family back together in the background of bakery business. A big emphasize is put on Lee Sze Kei's relationship with her husband Ha Yu and kids Moses Chan, Raymond Lam, Tavia Yeung, Fala Chen, Lai Lok Yi, Vincent Wan and Ha Yu's stepdaughter Linda Chung, besides her relationship with her adversary Michelle Yim and sister Susanna Kwan.Romantic plots include Kate Tsui (Susanna Kwan's daughter) fighting against Tavia Yeung for Moses Chan, whilst she will also be involved with Chris Lai. There will be conflict between Raymond Lam and Bosco Wong (Linda Chung's colleague) for Linda Chung as Bosco Wong interferes as the third party between the loving pair. Susanna Kwan's character will have "sister-brother" relationship with Wayne Lai and Louis Yuen, meanwhile Fala Chen in her challenging role as a 'mute' girl will be romantically linked with Dexter Young.Throughout the series, Lee Sze Kei will try to run a steady business on her own in a bakery shop while her other family members live out a dream life with a billion-dollar fortune and big house. Lee Sze Kei has the custody of Raymond Lam, Tavia Yeung and Fala Chen, whilst Ha Yu has the other children. The series also focuses on Susanna Kwan, from her good heart, plotting "evil" ideas to get the family back together, while Michelle Yim plots to have the family stay apart from each other. Lee Heung Kam doesn't make things any easier as she prefers his son (Ha Yu) to have Michelle as his wife than Lee Sze Kei. They frequently call Lee, "that fat thing" and family problems will arise when the family meet each other again.SynopsisThe new series will focus on Lee Sze Kei getting her family back together in the background of bakery business. A big emphasize is put on Lee Sze Kei's relationship with her husband Ha Yu and kids Moses Chan, Raymond Lam, Tavia Yeung, Fala Chen, Lai Lok Yi, Vincent Wan and Ha Yu's stepdaughter Linda Chung, besides her relationship with her adversary Michelle Yim and sister Susanna Kwan.Romantic plots include Kate Tsui (Susanna Kwan's daughter) fighting against Tavia Yeung for Moses Chan, whilst she will also be involved with Chris Lai. There will be conflict between Raymond Lam and Bosco Wong (Linda Chung's colleague) for Linda Chung as Bosco Wong interferes as the third party between the loving pair. Susanna Kwan's character will have "sister-brother" relationship with Wayne Lai and Louis Yuen, meanwhile Fala Chen in her challenging role as a 'mute' girl will be romantically linked with Dexter Young.Throughout the series, Lee Sze Kei will try to run a steady business on her own in a bakery shop while her other family members live out a dream life with a billion-dollar fortune and big house. Lee Sze Kei has the custody of Raymond Lam, Tavia Yeung and Fala Chen, whilst Ha Yu has the other children. The series also focuses on Susanna Kwan, from her good heart, plotting "evil" ideas to get the family back together, while Michelle Yim plots to have the family stay apart from each other. Lee Heung Kam doesn't make things any easier as she prefers his son (Ha Yu) to have Michelle as his wife than Lee Sze Kei. They frequently call Lee, "that fat thing" and family problems will arise when the family meet each other again.

Friday

Today grandfather is coming to my house from malaysia,because we are going to korea together this coming sunday 8.00am flight got to wake up at 4 to prepare and take taxi at 5 because we've to reach the airport at 6 to meet up with the tour guide.Days drew nearer to the day when i've to leave for Korea,but i'm not feeling excited at all i dont know why.Cant bear to leave this place although its only 8 days. I know i will be missing here alot..8 days, cant talk to baby or see baby face,gonna miss him to the max, and my maid Sari, gonna miss her fats! Yesterday played mahjong at jasley place, wa lau damn no luck, lose $130 sad, thought can win some money but than :( lose, bodoh hor.. hahax! heartapin lehx, but its like that, its either win or lose..woo hoo..bet i will stop for awhile..hahax. no money.. this month thought can save alot but in the end all no more again.. still owe singtel $600 phone bill and must give mommy $400 somemore next month,hur hur,die ah!! money money not enough.. think about other things to earn some money..Anyway, hope today i can get my 16gb I-phone, i get it for free, daddy give..hahax, if not i have to wait untill i come back from korea than got the 16gb i-phone..hmm, chinese new year is one month away, havent get any new clothes yet and i am afraid i will gain weight if i go korea..because the weather there is 4 degree celcius so when its cold its easier to get hungry..I cant have the mind set like last year whereby i tell myself that Holiday mahx, must enjoy, eat only later than decide how, But in the end came back, step onto the weighing machine!!!W-T-HELL gain 5KG.!!! look myself in the mirror, what a pig!!! friends all say i look like a pig, clothes all tight..that was the time i'm so worry damn, Mummy says that after korea she will go LONDON WEIGHT MANAGEMENT, so i will continue also to reduce down my thunder thighs.. Woo, when you're young life's good with parents.. hehex..Love you guys, and i want to thank you guys for the 2nd trip to korea.!! MUACKS..

- Picture attached, the four siblings in Wee family

Why is it all about you?

Why is it all about you?

No no no no, no more than this..

I want it so much but i am scared..

No no no no, no more than that...

I miss it so much but .. its still a no NO no NO..

Well Well Well, life still goes on..

I want both..i miss it...

Sometimes, i am tired at times i feel good.

Still holding on to it..tightly..

I will just dream that i am having lots of fun in my life..

All i want now is a nice sleep with beautiful dreams.. thats good enough!!

Slowly, slowly, i will know what to do..

Moody~

Woke up with a bad dream today,the dream seems so real feel so remas because keep thinking bout it,trying to control my emotions right now.

Today there's alot of things to do at work,so time flies..Its the fifteen today so tommorrow will be my Big auntie day sianx!!!

I was browsing through my friendster this morning,i've got 3 different feeling, Angry sad and forget about it. This 3 reactions after reading something.Damn i hate this feeling of mine!Wanna yell!!!!!i dont want to care anymore, like i say, i must remind myself to lead a better life on my own. I will be happy if my life is happy!!!state of mind!

Last saturday, went out with his family, went to marina barrage.Nothing much there but was quite tiring because we played catching, played wrestling, did piggy back..Wooh~tired...Never give a kid piggy back, once is never enough for them..Buay tahan!

Ate tulang last night with him at al-azhar at bukit timah.Delicious...very nice..still thinking about it now,want some more..baby eat 4 i eat 2!!!i eat 1 piece of bread he ate the rest of it..and a 6 coin prata..one cup of Ice tea , me drink ais kosong..Total we spent 11.20 cheap eh..yet so full ..:)

Today, dont know what's e plan, he is on leave for 2 days, we meet so often last week consecutive 3 days. total meet 4 days last week..wa its been long ever we meet so often.
Well maybe today we wont be meeting, even if we are maybe tomorrow go Pump petrol and buy my LAMI..must buy lami gooing to korea sure gain weight..

Leaving korea on 21- 28 going to miss him and my friends alot.. defitnitely..Please take care of yourself for me.

He wants kenzo perfume,hahax i said NO..after i buy you will go clubbing right.!! so no no perfume for you.But the fact i want to save some money to buy other things..

How do you guys pronouce (please)?
PLEASE....one tone.
my young god sister pronounce as P-E-L-E-A-S-E hor... hahahahax so funny!!!

okae, after thinking about thie pelease at least i can smile a little.. hmmm:)