Everything seems so different....

Why do everything i do have to involve you? Even my password. Oh dear, i've made myself so cheap. I've plan my life with him around but everything ended. Even when i blog , every words i type i have to think about it. Why is it so? What am i afraid about? Why do i have to do this to torture myself. I keep telling myself not to think about it. Keep reminding myself how bad it is to fall now.I have got so much to do. So much to learn, sO much to think. I cant do it with what/who i am now. I screwed up . Damn , wa lau please la, i feel so stress!!! I CANT GET AN ANSWER MYSELF!!! I am afraid, i will be the old me again.. I dont want, i dont want that kind of life. But is it damn stupid too torture myself at home,whereby maybe he is enjoying himself already. Why want to torture myself? He dont sayang you, he just say for the sake of saying! I cant believe after everything that i have done, he still leave. Anyway, i am trying to figure out, what about him that made me love him so much? What about him>? Love sees me die!!! If he can move on.. why not you ysabel? Why keep holding on when he cant be bothered anymore? Why call him when he cant be bothered anymore? Why think of him when he cant be bothered anymore. He wants to leave, it means that he can live without me, I mean nothing to him. If not, he will be like you. Hesitation.. For what do this. stop being a fool !!! Ysabel.. Give those out there a chance.. Wake up!!!

Early in the morning i have to type all this shit about my life.. Look how miserable it is! You msged him tell him so much, you bake and everything. He will appreciate? He will know? He will cherish.? HAAAA.... in the end still putting a stop to everything.. Like nothing has happen before.. Shit you!