Hope...

oh , i am crying again , again quietly one corner in the office. Sitting in the last row. I am trying to hide. I cant cry, i cant let them know.. why am i crying again. Rab please forgive me. I didnt mean it.

Scrolling down...

i scrolled down my blog page and look at my previous entries.. Its all about him.. My life is so much about him. But why does he still leave me with a broken heart..?

Looking back on those times when we both hold hands walking up and down Cineleisure. Movies, darts..

The best memories, KL trip and Party world singing session. Marina Barrage with his family. Danial, miss you so much.

So much memories.. But its all layed low...


Heal the pain and hurt.. And hope one day we will be friends back again.

Should i or should i not?

Oh dear, the one who have always been there, you looked how i fall and you look how terrible i am right now. Mighty you , though we may not seen each other , but i am really suffering. Please send some guidance. You've been there before , and i know you are still here right now looking at me. I dont wish this to happen, forgive me for the unhealthy doings. You know the pain i am going through. Please guide me, you're the greatest of the greatest. Those emptiness feelings are torturing. I cant do anything because he will still ignore. All i can do , is keep quite and cry. Why must this happen to me. Dear you, convince me please. I am dieing inside again..


Just now i feel ok, but suddenly i feel the pain again.

Why is this happening.?

Oh dear...

Should i or should i not?

You found me.....

Get Out Of My Mind.!!

Exercise...

I've tried many things to get you off my mind, but the last thing that i have not tried is the HEalthy way, Exercise. Guesse that will be the best solution. Take it easy and it will be over soon. Well , my friends all knows that i hated jogging, its a very big challenge. But i am going to try it all over again. Jog , continue to jog constantly even if its tired. Hahax, maybe one day i will have a britney's body. Woo hoo.. I have to stop drinking. My body is tired, drank too much for 2 weeks. Ysabel you can do it, jog jog jog, swim swim swim , and get tanned all you want. I want to realise how beautiful i am again. Well maybe miles and miles far away there is someone looking and searching for me. Take it slow... I will find my other half soon.

- Get tonned up..

- Do things that i dont like ( jog )

- Be more positive. Dont blame anyone .

- Be strong, dont let anyone look down ..

Back to work...

Irene is finally back from bintan. Meet up with the girls yesterday, picked them up and went to Jurong Library . After so much heartaches, i should go for a get away trip and not to pester him anymore. This trip is so last minute, well i thought there is still room for consideration , but he made things so clear, i shall respect him. Anyway life goes on, decided to go BALI alone next month. And called my girlfriends and tell them about it. Surprisingly i didnt know that irene was so thoughtful that she even updated her blog saying that she is going bali before me telling her i am going alone. Thanks girl... Its time to learn to be Miss Independent. However i will still be going there first for a day, to really release everything and irene will fly to Denpasar the next day and i will pick her up. Actually, i am quite scared la going there alone , because last night we did some research on hotels room, and some looks quite creepy. But no matter what, i am still going to fight my fear. Nothing's gonna bring me down anymore, i had enough of fearing and scaring here and there. Its time to really be brave and go through things unexpectedly. Shu xia is still not sure whether is she still joining, but we both hoped that she will. I am already counting down the days, its so near. I am flying on 1.4.09 , later i will book my air flight and hotel accomodation. Irene and maybe shu xia will be joining me 2.4.09 and we will come back together on the 6.4.09 . This week , i've made lots of plans to make myself real busy, i will be doing my own ITINERY. I never tried doing this kind of things before, hope its going to be challenging and days at bali, i wish it could be aas challenging as possible so that it will make us really think that life is a challenge , we have to go through everything, but be strong. Currently, we've plan , White water rafting, waterbom parks , Surfing lesson. After blogging i will do my research on whether to drive on our own at bali or hire a daily driver. I cant wait to go to bali, i have been wanting to go with him, but we didnt manage to, he have to do his own stuff. But nevermind, afterall its still about me. I will decide everything. No more drinking, no more clubbing, its time for some exercise and tone up my body to make myself look good. And gain more self esteem. Its always good to love yourself. Hey hey hey, i've got to go , doing research and reading some critics about hotels and adventures... Life's good.. Seize it and live it..